My Chaiwalas!

" Madam, chai!". This is the first thing I hear everyday I enter my workplace. And this is the only thing that has been common in all my work places so far. The canteen peon has somehow, always, managed to be an integral part of my professional life! Colleagues, bosses , subordinates, they all count but not as much as these humble souls do.

When I joined an digital ad agency a while back, I was overwhelmed by the work culture there. And the only solace amongst all the hoola was this voice which always asked," Madam, naasta karoge?"("Madam, will you have breakfast?"), " Madam, chai pioge?"("Madam, will you have tea?"). I am a tea addict and sitting back late made it worse. And if I asked for tea after 8 pm, this guy used to tell me,"Aapko chai nahi milega, aap khate nahi ho sirf chai pite ho. Bimaar padoge!"(You will not get tea because you don't eat at all. You will fall sick.") I was always amazed at this response but never reacted because I felt, someone cared even in this dark dungeon of workaholics. Stranger he maybe, but that one sentence did matter every time it was uttered.

When I left that place, I felt sad not because I was leaving a place where I had worked for months but because I doubted if I will find such people in other places. And then, when I joined a new workplace, I discovered, here too I have someone who debates on tea or no tea.

Faces change, voices change but the basic emotion remains the same. The emotion underlying in a simple question or rather the insignificant interaction sometimes holds more value than hours of talks. Casual it may be, but it does make a lot of difference, specially when you need it!

The Apprehension

"Your heart will know", that is the standard answer you get every time you ask a woman about how she found her man. Now this is totally beyond me! Is there some kind of bell that goes "Ting" and you know "Bingo!", this is it?Or is there some radar that sets on once he comes within your range of vision?It is so much easier in movies. Violins playing in the background, wind blowing suddenly out of nowhere, rains of flowers and petals showering over the whole screen, bells going "TINGGGG" and the best of all , red and pink ruling every scenario. Now how cool would that be, if such things actually happened in real life! But alas, reality is gross. The legendary "heart" as they say never knows. And nothing dramatic ever happens.
Think of being pragmatic and you wonder how to even communicate with the person you don't know at all. There are a cascade of questions running in your head which you think of asking the person you are going to meet and then again there comes this conflict of ,"Is it really important? You have so little time!". There are a dozen such debates going on and on till your brain goes dead blank and all you want to do is pray that the meeting just goes fairly well and some kind of magic just happens if at all things have to work out. The effort wasted and prayers to be fulfilled awaited.
And the outcome??? Well the heart should know no???
PS: I prefer the movie way, bollywood style, anyday!

Final Words

An Epitaph for the one relationship so cherished that it now rots in hell.

Consider friend, what I went through, so shall you,soon.
Do not then say, I didn't warn you!
I did but you chose the inevitable and burnt the bridges instead.
Be ready, therefore, to beg for the very life you have forsaken.

Train Train Train!

Me: “Go in!”
Lady 1: “I can’t’, my bag is stuck!”
Me: “Pull it in, people are struggling to get in. They are hanging dangerously! “
Lady 1: “Told you I can’t pull my bag in. Let them fall, who cares? “
I release her bag and push it in also pushing myself inside the train.
Lady 2: “Uff! Such a huge bag! It takes the place of one whole person.”

And this comes from a lady who is four times my size. Wonder how many people that size will fit.

I HATE LADIES FIRST CLASS! Only Hypocrites.

Words Again!

Yeah I love words, I love the way they flow, the way they express volumes. I am addicted to the high they give me and take me to places I can never reach otherwise. And this profound love has made me realise that I am not cut out to write. Yeah I love to write and express but manipulating it, subjecting it to criticism and watching the very core of it butchered by some insignificant wretch is not something I can stand. I have always found this language beautiful and I am not ashamed to admit that I would rather be an ardent admirer than a torch bearer.

I am going through a "lean patch" a friend said.Maybe its true. But if I have to sacrifice my love for reading and replace it with work, I think maybe it's not worth it. I am rethinking everything I have done in past few months. Hope I end up retaining at least some of this so called love few months down the line.

A Superhero Chronicle

Once upon a time, in the world of advertising, a conspicuously inconspicuous girl was striving to make her mark. She came from the world of science and her enthusiasm to explore her limits landed her into the jarring world of creativity. She wanted to be a Copy Writer. If nothing she wanted to be a simple writer. Her love for English language made her believe that this love is enough to get her through the grueling journey of writing.

Her inception into copy writing took place under the supervision of a pretty lady who supported her tottering steps. The pretty lady was kind enough to be patient and take her through the basics of this art. But as luck may have it , the lady had to leave sooner than expected for better prospects lay ahead for her. The lady's departure came at a time when the girl had just identified this world as fairly fit for her survival. And the time after her departure left her completely clueless all of a sudden.

Lost in the huge world of art and creativity,without the shield of her mentor's criticism - industry jargons, experienced opinions, dreadful deadlines started pouncing on her. The girl's illusion that it is possible to learn any art was replaced by a strongly convincing thought that creativity is inherent and can never be cultivated. The absolute time of distress came when she was caught in an never ending loop of disconnected feedbacks with no rescue. The loop got deeper day by day and she knew that she was stuck in something totally unknown. She wanted to move towards the known resisting the urge to run away or quit.

Clarity of despair as they call it, she dragged herself through this ordeal  hoping to see a different dawn everyday secretly wishing for a superhero to rescue her. She convinced herself that the worst that could possibly happen was that she could be thrown out for inefficiency  Hardly a scary thought for someone who was used to falling and getting up! So it would just be one more great fall.

One fine morning, a strange looking man, casually dressed with lots of tattoos in display was introduced as the replacement for the girl's mentor,her new boss. The girl just hoped that he was half good as the pretty lady. A brief talk with him told her that it might not be a bad idea to stretch the despair to a teensy weensy bit of hope and see what happens. She was obviously in for a huge surprise. This man turned out to be excellent beyond imagination. Be it as a teacher, mentor or a boss.

He taught her the rules and the basics of surviving in this profession. He taught her the art of thinking which solved most of her prior problems. Realistic as he was, he could always churn out a logical explanation and reason for all his criticisms. This convinced the girl and made her learn more.She actually looked forward to his approval and worked hard in terms of absorbing knowledge just to improve. She found a deep rooted respect for this man, for he used his authority to get good work done and stood firm when something didn't make sense, which was a rarity .

Not all bosses give their subordinates the freedom to think, decide and stick to it. He never held the reigns when it came to taking decisions. In fact he encouraged it. According to him it was ok to make mistakes and then learn. He imbibed a kind of  independence and confidence in her that gave her the courage to move forward and take a leap of faith. Her heart broke at the idea of looking for a change but she knew she had to. As luck would have it, a good opportunity presented itself to her. She wanted to take it up but she was terribly scared for the whole world said it was not a wise thing to do with just six months of work experience. After much thought she decided to talk to her boss.

The conversation that followed took her perception of him to a whole new realm. When she told him she wanted to leave, he asked her to go. When she asked him if it was a wise thing , he said all such prejudices are absolute bullshit. When she asked her if she could shift to any other kind of writing and be something else, all he said was, "You can even be the President of India, its just that you need to figure out how!".

Now she didn't know much about the work environment but for her, this conversation meant a lot. An encouragement that was fair and true. An inspiration that was genuine yet blunt. She then she knew that she had finally found the Superhero she was waiting for. But alas! for a very short while.

PS: This is exclusively for the man who taught me anything is possible, that insanity is an antidote to sanity and finally, being a nut is not that bad after all!
Thank you Siddhant for everything , I didn't have the guts to say this to you and hence vented it out here.

Phantom personified...

"Stay!", he said. She stopped with her eyes lowered. Time froze for a few seconds before he whispered in her ears," Look at me". She did not react. He repeated coming closer, his voice almost cold. She looked at him with tears shining in her eyes but staunchly refusing to fall out. "Go", that is all he said moving out of her way. And she walked out.

It was a get together called for no particular reason she knew of. She was invited and all she knew was this was her one chance to see him again after months. She didn't want to go to the party, she didn't want to meet people but the prospect of seeing him one more time was irresistible. She dressed up for the occasion meticulously. She knew she didn't have to make any effort with her looks that day because she was all blushes and smiling to herself, which was more than enough. But this occasion deserved an effort,however insignificant. She had waited for this day for months. She left home floating in the air envisioning his smile throughout her way to the venue.

The moment she reached, she was greeted by her friends. They were all surprised to see her all decked up and happy. For them, she was never a girl interested in parties. She attended them but just for the heck of it or because some friend persuaded. So seeing her excited in the first place was novel to them. They all complimented her on her looks while her eyes were constantly searching the crowd. She knew he had to be around somewhere.  She  politely thanked everyone around her and started drifting away around the room. After looking around thoroughly and not finding him anywhere, she gave up and went up to a common friend to inquire about him. She was informed that he is around somewhere but has been on call right from the moment he entered. She felt her spirits sky rocketing again. Just knowing that he is somewhere in the vicinity was more than enough for her. She waited.

She found a corner for herself and sat looking around the room. The party dragged meanwhile with people talking, eating and drinking. She just observed people while consciously being aware of the clock ticking away. She idled away for almost an hour waiting. The eager wait had killed her hunger and her enthusiasm was ebbing away slowly. She looked at the time and realized that it was time to leave. Just when she was considering a discreet exit, a common friend came up to her and said, " Why is he arguing so much on the call? Man, its over an hour. He has not entered the party yet. Is it his girlfriend again?"

She just stared at the friend. She didn't know what to say. She had not spoken to him for a long time. She didn't know anything about what was happening. All she wanted to do was see him smile, once more. Just once. Then why was she numb suddenly? She didn't know.She just mumbled something to the friend and left. On her way out, she saw him on the entrance. He just looked at her and blocked her way and said, "Stay!".

No more tears!

They say ignorance is bliss.Oh yes!It indeed is. Who would know this better than her? She didn't live on the edge anymore. She didn't wait for his call anymore.She didn't fear hearing his voice go strained anymore.  She didn't wake up everyday to look at the rising sun to pray for a better day. She didn't sight the moon to weep. She didn't look at the stars to wish anymore. She didn't dread the moment when he would declare his engagement anymore. She didn't fear losing him anymore.For she knew it was a lost battle. It was impossible to fight herself and it was too much of a task to fight him.

She took the easiest way out and that was to go through it. She chose to confront herself. What if he rejected her? What if she lost him? What if she never saw him again? All these somehow weighed better than the constant agony of the incorrigible fear. All her fears were realised when the path  she chose greeted her with outright rejection, insanity and a permanent loss. But it didn't hurt as much as she had expected. She knew this is where she had to give up for she didn't have anything more to give and she did so. Cutting him off her was easy.

Without hope life was easier.She could think of him anytime, anywhere without any obligations. She could love him as much as she wanted without having to express it. She could pray as and when she wanted. She could breathe easy with nothing on mind except the present and the reality. It was a relief beyond measure. Yes, ignorance of the unknown ,the future, is indeed a bliss - one that paves way to simpler living !

Cherry without the cake!

Sitting in an elegant office, waiting to be interviewed by whoever, I was fidgeting like crazy. An article to be proof-read in hand, I was trying to concentrate desperately. This job was important. For the sake of money not for good money but just money. The work was unknown to me, copy-writing, but I wanted a chance, just one chance to learn.  I was told I would be interviewed by the art director, the CEO or the COO of the company. Phew!I had never reached so far in an interview yet - the final round. It was around 9: 45 am and people were hustling in to start their day. I was just juggling my attention between these people and the script to be edited at the same time having a heated conversation within myself about what can I possibly do to get through this one.

After some time spent in apprehension, I started relaxing. The interview was scheduled for 10:00 am and it was almost 10:15. Still no sign of any of these higher officials. I was told by the guy at reception that I may have to wait a while longer. Well with half n hour already gone, whats a few more minutes. I just got back to staring at people rushing in with helmets, glares, laptops, some with weird clothes, some in formals etc. I was just wondering what kind of work place is this! I was totally ignorant about the Ad world, its culture, it being the most happening place and all that jazz. For me this was an organisation which will teach me to write better. Period.

With speculations on mind and fascination on my face, I just felt my eyes zero-in on someone suddenly. For in walked a well dressed, handsome man with an amazing voice which wished the security good morning. I was staring at this man outrageously as the security stood and this man disappeared into the office. After a few seconds, I just recovered my senses and got back to my article to be proof read and this time I finished editing it in one go. Half an hour more and still no sign of the interviewer.

I thought I might as well leave and come back again some other time when a familiar face walked in. This was the friend with whose reference I had come for the interview in the first place. He took me inside the office and said I will be interviewed now. I was directed towards a small cabin and there sat the man who had made me spellbound sometime back. The only thought that ran across my mind was I must get this job just to see this beautiful creature every day.

He greeted me, asked me to take seat and took my resume. He just browsed through it and asked me if I am a trekker. Wow what a question to be asked! My spirit sky rocketed and I said yes! He asked me which places I have trekked and I told him the names of the mountains I had climbed enthusiastically. He asked if I am really interested in writing and again the answer was a simple yes. He browsed through my CV again, after a long pause he said, "That's all then."  I was shocked. I don't even remember coming out to the reception. My friend greeted me there and he congratulated me.  I just asked him who interviewed me and he said, "He was our CEO". I just broke into a giggle. Now it was my friend's turn to stare. He gave me a funny look and told me u have a crush on him too! I just smiled wider and left.

Its been six months in this organisation now and even today when I think of that day I feel good, for I had given the shortest interview of my life and cleared it too! Even today when I look at my CEO, my admiration and adoration for the well groomed, well spoken man that he is simply visible on my face. We meet many people in our lives, some become friends, some acquaintances and some remain as strangers. And then there are these people you meet, who leave an impact on you for no significant reason at all. Well, my CEO is one of them and I am glad to have at least seen someone like him if not interacted or known him.

And there goes the effort.....in drain!

A year and half of hormonal upheaval,
Months of wait in despair,
Days in search of sensibility,
Hours spent in sorting incorrigible thoughts,
Minutes of conversations,
Seconds of harmony,
And here I am back to square one,
Where it all started.

Contradictions existed,
Today they are sorted.
Friends disapproved,
Today they are happy.
Religion was an issue,
Today it is the basis.
Education was a problem,
Today it is the defining force.
Responsibilities were wavering,
Today they are taken.

All said and done, there is this one element that remains unchanged and unbeaten!
And that legendary element is STUPIDITY!
Fight it, hate it, love it…
But you can’t ignore it!
And that’s what this is all about.
Sanity lost in pursuit of happiness.
Sanity regained in pursuit of intellect.
And losing the battle all together.

Life as we know it............

Before:

1) Flowers....aaaargh so dumb! Why the hell do people love flowers???? I love the colors yes but why pluck them and drown ur nose deep into them till u sneeze??

2) Moon - Aah yes something that shows you the route when you are lost while hunting a trail

3) Books- M&Bs, Romantic classics...... Books that give you the dope on how stupid u can possibly get

4) Vanity: Who is going to see me anyway?

5) Phone: Talk to girlfriends, gossip, bitch and discuss everything thats....... ahem "important".Send nasty messages to nasty friends who also happen to be your best friends

6) Diary - Write submission deadlines, interviews details and unnecessary lecture notes

7) Sunny Morning: Blah another day!

8) Rains: Yay splash water, eat lots,get wet, be sick with cold and cough forever!

9) Appetite: Always hungry or famished

10) Social Networks/Mails: Forever online and bored

After:

1)Flowers: Awwww .....They are sooo beautiful

2) Moon: Gosh its a full moon day! look look....

3) Books: Give me something mushy please , can't take heavy stuff

4) Vanity: Let me make an effort man, u never know !

5) Phone: Why the hell is it not ringing??? Damn not even a beep!

6) Diary: Ur best friend and a dumping ground 

7) Sunny Morning: Hope today is a better day

8) Rains: Phew! Its so beautiful....the smell, the water , the greens (sniff sniff)

9) Appetite: When did I last eat?

10) Social Network/ Mails: The only connection

Thank You

Words spilled out when thoughts got cluttered,

Emotions got carried away when circumstances got weird,

Feelings went hay wire when distance started ruling over,

Anger was lashed out when communication got tougher,

Through all this you kept your calm,

Knowingly or unknowingly, you took a great deal,

You never understood but you tried,

You stood as the anchor while letting me believe that I was the steadier one,

You were the one with precision and clarity while letting me believe that I was the sensible one,

Words fail me when I think of the gratitude I feel towards you,

For your faith, strength and the purity of character that cannot be measured.

All I would like to say is a simple "Thank You" 

For all that you have been to me so far.

For your affection and patience which is a rarity.

For once I am not sorry for my behavior ,

For if not for that, I would have never known the "You" with "Me"

A loop

She: (in her mind) Aha there is so much to tell him, so much to talk. One conversation, one meeting and my life takes a 360 degree turn. So many questions to ask, so much to know. How I wish I get all the answers at one go! I would be able to trust him completely then. Chances are I might be able help him with a breakthrough too with so much of observation and psychoanalytical skills to my aid. Good lord the questions are going to be irritating and probing! But no harm in trying,is there? Its not that I don't trust, its just that I will get a concrete belief to hang on. Once and am done with this.Is it worth the risk? I will have to take an nasty argument, a cold shoulder or a cold response. Well lets see, "Try" is the word. At least you won't regret not having tried hard enough gal!

Calls

He: Ya tell me
She: Where are you?
He: Out
She: Can we talk
He: No
She: I have something to tell you
He: Say
She: But before that I need to know something
He: What?
She: Can we meet?
He: No
She: Cool then, will wait till I meet you. Its all special, it deserves a meeting, a celebration maybe.
He: Why the hell can't you finish it in a call?
She: Just like that, thats the way it is, I have questions, lots of them
He: I have no answers.
She:Cool then,Bye
He: Bye( sighs)

(In her mind) So much for the excitement and preparation. Damn is this all even worth it? I hate this as always. Tomorrow is another day! When I m no longer interested, tomorrow dies:) Till then, Try is the word!

PS: Wonder, if this try were applied in some other aspect of life productively, where  she goes?

A farewell

It would be hard to part away with you. You have been with me through thick and thin. You are my first sight in the morning and the last before I go to sleep. You have seen me through smiles and tears, you have seen me through air and water, you have seen me through fire and wind. Every beauty that I have seen so far is because of you. Every moment that I captured in my heart as dear has been possible because you were there. You have been such an indispensable part of me so far that I never realized that you were something apart from me. I am used to your presence like breathing- always there but never conscious. You have made me feel good, smart and intelligent; you have made me feel ugly and weird too but these were just momentary phases when maybe I hated myself so much that I blamed you for it. I never thought or even imagined in my wildest dreams that I would ever live without you. Now its seems like I am going to. I am happy that I would be independent of you but will miss you terribly till I get used to you not being around.

Goodbye My Beloved Spectacles :) You have been my best companion ever :)

Voices

Many many opinions of my many many people, people who matter but somehow don't make sense!

Some of them quoted:


"Get married!"
"Study further!"
"You can always get married and then study further!"
"Work and get some experience!"
"Teach, thats where you are the happiest!"
"Why not keep trekking forever m ever?"
"Get hitched gal, thats what you need :P"
"You need to stick around longer in this field to know if it is right for you"
"Be stable for god sake!"
"Go abroad, study and settle!"
"Just follow your heart"
"You can do anything you want to, just do it"
"You are getting old, age will not be on your side forever, find a man ...fast"
"Is marriage even on the cards for you?"
"Just do what your parents say and don't let your imagination run wild"
"Don't think"
"Life happens"


Inside the head:
" Screw it, I am doing it anyway"
"Try"

"Give yourself a chance, live :P"

U and I ......In this beautiful world

With the whole world busy in their work, studies, family, etc etc, the past few months have been like a people sieve. Suddenly a lot of my people are either getting into relationships or getting engaged or getting married and the ones who do not fit into this category got their dream jobs and disappeared to their alien work world . Now the ones in "relationship" category are either too busy running around building castles or attending calls and "spending time"  with their partners. The alien world is of course beyond reach.

With so many people disappearing at once, there seems to be just one person who is still there as she always was and we still hang around like we always did. With work, family and all that taking the lion's share of our lives we still manage to talk for hours , gossip, sulk, laugh and travel(minimum or local as it may be). So this weekend it was Elephanta calling for us. It was supposed to be a group of 6 initially and with everyone backing out in the last moment, it was just the two of us (as usual) travelling. She had been to Elephanta Caves before and me, despite being in Mumbai my whole life, this was to be my first visit.

With the ferry ride, the long walk towards the caves, fashion photography with me trying on all the gypsy jewellary and she clicking me , a cake treat with a stranger celebrating her birthday, we relaxed reminiscing all our long trips together and discussing paradoxes of weird sorts. It was just a 20 min walk and climb to the caves but with the rising heat and crowd, we took around 1 hour to reach the entrance. The caves were an absolute treat but the crowd there was a big turn off. We were quiet surprised that this place despite being a world heritage monument allows kids to play cricket inside the premises. It looked more like a playground or a picnic spot than a historical monument.

We tried our level best to capture pictures of the statues without people barging in on the frame but it was a vain attempt as we couldn't find a way to keep them away. We gave up finally and started clicking each other instead and that was super fun. The walk back was easy as we had our lunch midway and were full and re -hydrated.   The ferry ride back was more of sunbathing with we sitting on the top of the deck at 2 in the afternoon. Giggling and making fun of people around, clicking weird pictures made us forget the heat and all the sun allergies we are prone to. 

So ,all in all, it was a very normal day spent very normally with a very normal company. And this normalcy is what made it special altogether. Simple life made simpler. 

PS: You make all the difference Miss Swati Diwakar. Thank you :)

The Little things you do for me..

n nobody else makes me feel Good....

Little things you do for me...

Making me smile n no one else could...!

That's why I like to sit next to you....,

and Hear your mad stories, I know they're not true..

and I like that we share a secret or two ......Together....!

Little things you do for me..

Courtesy: Vodafone TV AD

Moments that define you!

After every argument and disagreement, she asked herself, "Is it worth it?"

She was confused, scared and in doubt. All these emotions intensified several folds when she thought about the basis on which she hung on to them. For she was alone.She was rational to the core, she justified all her thoughts eventually. Dissecting every thought and bringing them down to absolute lucidity was a habit inherent in her.

Her people found her eccentric and complex, vague at times but when she came up with simple solutions at times they were just surprised. It never occurred to them that the things she spoke might be tried, tested or simply processed. So when she wanted some clarity, she was either left alone or given abrupt comments.

Now here she was in this particular situation which was totally crazy according to everyone around her. Maybe it was. She considered it. She had questioned it while it came bang into her life, she had questioned it when it started seeping in into her life, she had questioned it when it made her miserable, she questioned it when it made her go maddeningly happy. All through it she never forgot to feel and enjoy while crucifying it to sensibilities. Despite what people said, things made sense to her. Her instincts stood by her as guardians through the loneliness.

She asked herself again, "Is it worth it?" a millionth time and she knew instantly that -Yes! It is and was all the while.

Busted Bubbles

He: What do u want of me?
She: I want you to work, sort your life, do something for god sake!
He: For now I am going out of country, will do something when I get back.
She: When are you going?
He: The day after tomorrow
Shock, silence
She: Where?
He: Spain
(Good Lord)
She: When will u come back?
He: I don't know
She: What the hell (Fumes, tries to sound calm) Ok......How did you manage this?
He: Magic, jackpot......m blessed you know
She: (Confused, angry)Ya right!So much for believing that "I" am the God's Child!
He: Its ok, maybe you are
She: (Perplexed) I feel so cheated, scared and rotten. Not by you but by everything that I believed to be true, by everything I hung on to. Why?
He: Look I got to go, I will call you back alright. Bye
She: (Speechless, empty, blank)

This is called a "Decent" conversation: By someone I know.

Brain Gone Bonkers

Friday: Bored to death with nothing to do

Saturday: Cleaning, chilling, watching weird bollywood flicks 

Sunday: Running around doing all the trivial things like stitching, talking, learning to cook and attending a vanity fair

Monday: Work BELOVED work finally!

Result: Splitting headache by the end of first 3 days. And a weird kind of headache brewing on the end of 4th day due to excess drama and brain drain.

Excess drama: Mother allows lazing around : Woohoo miracle

                         Best friend gets a job : Super happy

                         A bomber out of nowhere: Shocked beyond wits

                         Work gets approved: Surprised

                        

Now how much can a small brain possibly take?

Boredom kills, boredom makes me run, boredom makes me hide and anything otherwise makes me think. Now thinking is good but when I have to, it comes with so much profundity that my brain just snaps and goes bonkers. 

Conclusion:All I can say is I prefer this unpredictability over predictability, I prefer shock over eternal knowledge and I prefer this lingering headache that crops up out of drama than the one out of boredom. 

Hopeless hope

I am a creep magnet,
Tall and lean,
With a smile on  my face
And a smirk on my mind,
Everytime I meet a creep
I wish "this one is sane",
And bang goes the mask
and snap goes the face.

PS: " I am a tea pot." has been ringing in my mind for whole day long and this is what I come up with! Idle mind forced to work :(

Boulevard of my Memoirs

Walking down that long and lonely path in the evenings, I have pondered, wondered,envisaged, sulked and dreamed. I have fretted about my family, thought about my friends and analysed people-known and unknown alike. This path with a few ups and downs, trees lined on both sides of the road, the smell of the wild weed enriching the air, auto rickshaws wheezing by once a while and the horse carts tottering away has been my dearest companion during the loneliest years of my life. This is my path from my home that leads to the Titwala Temple.

Right from my school days, I had developed this habit of walking till the temple and back in the evenings when I was too bored and had no one to play with. Walking alone was specially fun as no one disturbed me and I could go on my dream weaving mode without any hassle. When I got my brand new cycle, a ride to the temple and back became an obsession. Making that ride within a certain time limit was something I did just to make myself happy. As I grew up, with numerous classes and loads of homework to be dealt with, cycling stopped, these walks became infrequent but they were still there when I was too bugged with books, teachers and my mom's blabbering on grades and a fantastic "career".

Once I finished school, we moved to Mulund to get closer to my educational institutions and my parent's work place and save precious time on travel. Our beloved "home" was still there and my granny had moved in . This place now became my weekend abode with me rushing there every Friday night or Saturday mornings to get back on Sundays. My craze for fiction had grown into full bloom by the time I finished school and had entered college. So getting away to a silent place and read in peace for two days was a luxury I enjoyed which I had not known then. My granny was a sweetheart when it came to my reading. She never bothered me and left me alone as far as I got up early, ate on time and answered her timely queries.

With books, granny and good food, this path had a way of pulling me back to it. Invariably, I used to walk at least once through this place when I was there. Fromm school to college and out, my thoughts had evolved to more distinct visions , I could distinguish between the need to unwind my thoughts, delearn the teachings of my elders, parents and friends, sulking and plain dreaming. This place had become an inseparable part of my life when it came to de stressing my over worked mind. I remember giving myself pep talks just before exams, wondering what would happen to my life and soothing my ruffled feathers on this road while getting intoxicated with the smell of the weed.

The journey of a young girl who was scared of the world, of people around her, of anything and everything new to a woman who fell in love with similar lonely paths, learnt to be social, dared to be alone but never lonely and who dreams to explore the world and back was taken in this lovely boulevard. I still have my home, but with my granny no more, my visits to this beloved place has reduced to a great extent. From everyday to every weekend,to once a month,it has not come down to once a year or lesser.

This memoir is a result of my visit to this place two days back. The walk (not alone this time) made me realize how special and how important those moments were to me - the time spent with myself. I am not sure if I want those days back but I sure would love to walk down my memory lane once in a while, relive my moments and cherish them. Yes, this path has changed over time in its look and feel and so have I but I guess every time I take this route, it would be the path I "took" that I would remember than the changes that I should  probably notice. 

Woman As I Know

Through silence she speaks volumes,

Through her smile she melts ice,

Her laughter creates ripples amongst hearts alike,

Head held high, she balances her heart and mind,

She will stand by you just to be there,

Do not undermine her willingness to listen and understand,

For her patience and tolerance are the unyielding companions of her love.

Adore her; love her for what she is and who she is,

For she represents every color of life and every ray of light through darkness.

This is the spirit of woman I have known and am proud of!

Happy Woman’s Day to all my ladies!

Creatively challenged!

I have no idea how I got into this in the first place! With my life full of brilliantly creative people, I have always realized that creativity is not my forte. Ask for ideas and I go brain dead - straight! Ask me to think about colors, ask me to "create" something beautiful and I am in a deep lurch.I can appreciate beauty in every form, I know that but creating it is not something I find it within my limits.

Writing is something I always liked, mingling and playing with words just for fun and learning new ways of expressions. I like to express through words.It was something very difficult to do when I started using it as a tool of expression but now they have become "my" way of expression.  I am working on the skills of simplifying things yet give my words a refined touch. It is a long journey and I m sure the path ahead would be fun so long as writing is just writing and not a form of art.
What irks me every now and then is that  after making writing as my source of income, I don't see myself doing what I wanted to. I write, it gets rehashed and the whole thing goes down the drain. It is always more than one mind corrupting the original thought. I write but I don't get to play with words. With millions of restrictions and compliances set as criteria for approval and a number of brains working on it at the same time, the idea or the sense of expression is lost somewhere.
I was told I am a conditioned writer and that I need to explore my dimensions. Well first I need to figure out if writing is something I need to continue for a living, then I need to know what kind of writing I need to get into and then finally on the Hows and whats of it. So what started off as a simple passion went on to become my bread and butter and now finally into a profound confusion - again!  So I seem to be creatively challenged with "writing" as a form of art as well.

Mind Race

For the kind of volatile person I am, people have always asked me to hold on to my thoughts, hold on to situations, hold on to decisions instead of letting go easily. Detachment comes easily to me as a part of my nature. It is not something that I ever tried to condition myself to. But despite all this I was successfully able to stick to a singular thought for a very long time. It took me a long time to analyse, process and then letting it seep into my mind and since it went through such tedious processing it remains unabridged till date.

So basically  if a wild horse turns itself into a race horse only when required just by enhancing its wilderness and not actually taming it, the chances of its authentic existence increases. This may not be noticed by the crowd involved in the race but I am sure the horse whisperer would know and understand.

This is all I care for. This is all I live for.I am and want to be this kind of horse to my horse whisperer and that is what I aspire to remain. 

Dream - Yet to come true

I lived a lifetime with you.

I learnt to dream again, I learnt that there is life beyond the mundane;

I learnt that hope drives you and pushes you to explore your limits,

I learnt that your belief can take you to places you have never been before,

I learnt that a simple wait can turn a situation into an event,

I learnt that faith, irrespective of what happens, remains if you have the guts to acknowledge it,

I learnt that a feeling can be shallow enough to evaporate in a second and deep enough to penetrate a soul;

I learnt to respect everything that I have been gifted with,

I learnt to treasure every moment I spent as being timeless,

I learnt to adore trivial words and actions,

I learnt to love unconditionally,

I learnt to live for the moment,

I lived a lifetime with you,

I await the next one.

Till then.....

Random Rambling

Hope, love,hurt,despair,doom,hurt,despair,love,hope. Its a cycle. You can't fight it, you can't beat it.All you can do is submit with humility and take all that it has to offer in good stride. I am talking about "The Destiny" controlled by goddess Fortuna as they call it. Her gentle flip of the wheel can turn our lives upside down and another flip can simply make things fall back as if they were always meant to be.
Well I have seen people plan every step meticulously, follow the plan and be successful. I have also seen people who plan and fail and then learn to live by the moment and there are those who have always lived by the moment.

I fall under the second category. I planned and failed and then I resorted to spontaneity. Living by the day and by the moment works for me better than anything else that I tried. Being flexible helps to see things in a better light and the goal of "zero injuries" is achieved. What I don't understand is how is it that people who fall under the first category manage to have their way?or is it just that they go through this cycle too but are not open about it? If god disposes as per their proposals then why are the others not gifted so? Not that I have a problem with it, its just something I would like to know how it works.