Survival, Thy name is Life!

I was drowning, I screamt, I cried, I pleaded for help and all I got was blank refusal.  The emotion did not register for time was running out. Then I remembered about the last three minutes that I would be gifted with to hold on. I knew I had to try. I whipped my hands and legs vigorously. I didn’t know how to swim but I had to do something.I had to concentrate. The chill was getting to me. I could see the shore but I had no idea how to get there. Desperation got me to pull my body towards the distance sight of land. The knowledge that I won’t feel my body weight in water lifted my spirits by a fraction.

I reminded myself of all the swimmers and fishes that I had seen , tried to think of how they moved ahead, I realized that somehow I was trying those movements juvenile as they were but I was able to pull ahead instead of going down. I repeated the same for some time and felt like ages passed. After some uncountable minutes or hours, I my legs felt steady ground, a few more minutes and I knew I had made it. I had survived the blow.

I have not learnt to swim yet but today I know that the drive and the love for life makes one learn things. I will learn to swim enough to survive in future. I won’t see the same lurch again. I have discovered that it’s possible to love your life and embrace everything that it throws on you with fun if you are willing to play. That emotion however selfish as per the societal norms keeps you going, helps you to be passionate, teaches you to get up when you have a great fall, walk and eventually run. It prepares you for an unknown race whose goals are not defined but whatever the goal; you know you are going to see the finish line.

Metaphorical as it is, I survived and I vowed to myself that I will not defy death again instead I will embrace it but only when I have lived enough. I will do justice to every breath that I take, every moment that I feel, every beauty that I see, every fragrance I smell, every melody that I hear and every touch that I am blessed with. Survival, thy name is life!

Redemption!

    Its feels great to have my senses back! Glad to be my usual self after the months of endless tug of war between my mind and heart. Finally both are on the same track moving towards the same direction. It all started with a casual chat in a yard across a simple hut. Casual as it was meant to be , it had more to it. Chemistry was evident to anyone who saw us laughing like crazy with the first exchange of words.
    As destiny would have it this association grew into a habit. Talks were frequent but never too intense. Everything was superficial for it was an interaction between two heartless people. People who in their own ways were mature, practical and were capable of foreseeing things. They followed the rules and keeping a strict rein over their emotions was a priority over anything else.
     For a change it was " Like attracts like". This spelled doom. For the conversations started getting sore as they already knew each others thoughts. Accepting each others flaws and drawbacks was easy as the foundation of empathy was strong. But anything that goes against nature doesn't last forever. Like minds do not go a long way. It has to be positive and negative ;yin and yang; so the cycle was broken.
     I was the integral part of this cycle. First I fought not to be a part of it, then I gave in and now I am out. Resistance took the lion's share of efforts and I fell out just like a leaf out of its branches, naturally. The intermediate phase was a mixture of the best as well as worst emotions but now when I look back I just call it as a chemical or hormonal derailment.
     The longest five months of my life have come to an end for now I know this is not what I want for my future. Juggling between right and wrong, handling the upsurge of emotions, playing with words and situations were all a part of the big collage which is now complete. This phase has taught me to hold on to my values no matter what. My integrity was put into fire to bring out the finest quality of gold.

      I am grateful to the man who has shared the equal space with me through this phase. I am thankful to him for knowingly or unknowingly making me realize my own worth and helping me turn into a better individual.Strength, people say comes from within and today I gladly agree that it does.I am thankful to the wonderful" time" for playing the trick and making me see light. My senses which had gone for a long ride are back and I am glad to find them refined and revitalized.

Loser

"Addiction" makes a man the biggest loser!No,I am not talking about the person who is into it but the people who are around him or her.Its amazing to see to the extent to which an addict can test his/her loved one's integrity.The reasons for addiction to anything varies from person to person and is accepted worldwide.Extensive research majority of it being successful is being carried out to help people come out of it.But what about the family members and the friends?????How are they supposed to heal?How should they deal with this situation and come out stronger??
Obviously something happened which has made me write on this topic,that something is a simple conversation with a drunkard friend!I was amazed to know the reasons that he gave me for drinking,the naivest reasons so far.I couldn't fathom the amount of stupidity lying in there!It was amazing to see how a little amount of liquor could change a man from a majestic lion to a petty mouse with all the walls down;at the peak of vulnerability. Now it is not this idiotic exhibition of meekness that affected me but his dumb choice of words,his words which he doesn't even remember the next day when he is sober again!
Three months of persistent patience,tolerance and counseling didn't bring about even an ounce of change in that highly craving body of this sweet little soul!To mention this counseling sessions,it was not a voluntary decision but a demand by this so called "addict"!
Now I think I should be calling myself a "loser" here for breaking my head over an impossible situation and expecting some magic to happen. Well let me be bit optimistic here; instead of giving myself this tag, I might as well call it an " experience" and make it sound cool and work on how I can deal with a similar situation in near future i.e  if I come across a similar case.

Everything said and done,  I am still amazed at the power a minute amount of any psychoactive substance holds over the magnanimous efforts of a normal human being!Hats off to all the losers and my sincere sympathies to their loved ones!

Defeat!

    I finally give up out of despair , for I now know that its not me who you need but some real time magic or a miracle to change things. I finally give up the battle of hoping against hope that things would turn brighter with the turn of another day! I fought against my right senses to keep you alive, I fought against my sanity to pull you in the right path.My persistence and belief systems fail brutally against your prejudices. I fail blatantly in my efforts to make you see sense and give you the strength to withstand the on coming storm.

    I have withstood the dirtiest of our conversations with glee for I had the fire of hope keeping me warm and safe. The fights , the misunderstandings and the arguments , all were taken in a good stride for the will to keep going was stronger than anything else. But today with a simple conversation, I know that its not me who you need but something or someone else to show you the best picture of life and instill in you the positivity that you need to see things in a better light.

    May god bless you with all the strength, courage and resilience to fight this battle. Hope you lead a wonderful life that is built on values that are tried and tested over time, that command love and respect from your elders, peers and followers.

Blushes and Blues!

How does it feel when someone actually goes speechless just looking at you???? Being a female, I say its one of the most wonderful feeling.I have read such a situation in many romantic and not so romantic novels and when I actually saw it happening to me, I could not help but laugh.That was rude, I know.Well must say such encounters give humongous highs specially when you are waiting for something nice to happen to you- desperately.
I am in a phase where I don't know what to ask for from life. When in college, the hope and apprehension of a good future and the company of some crazy friends was all u needed to be happy.The end of college -A break and eternal boredom. Work was all I wanted - A job. I got one as I asked for. I was content being a content writer(pun intended) for a while till I got used to my work and there comes monotony. Everyday is a same day except for weekends. Same work, same people and same me.
Now I wonder what should I ask for? So when my life is so " dull" and basically useless and when such strange things happen like an appreciative look, genuine compliments, a simple and meaningful conversation; you just feel lucky for those lighter moments and feel good about still having the ability to be crazy and offbeat.You feel lucky that when you thought you were brain dead , you actually are not;You are just hibernating or rather estivatiing in this case.
Glad to know that my senses are intact and thanks to this one guy who made my day. Thanks for the impulsive reaction and the impact it had on me. I am just basking myself in that light and I hope I enjoy it thoroughly till tomorrow when my blushes will disappear and the blues resume their place!